My Little Devil...

He comes and goes as he pleases, tries to play by his rules, and thinks he’s the ruler of MY kingdom. He’s got the cutest tail, but he’s spoiled, petulant and pouts better than any 4 year old boy I know.  I tell him nothing and yet he knows all…sees all.  He’s the root cause of my troubles…my sassiness…my naughty nature and ultimately steers me away from any possible life as a nun in a convent because he’s just too sexy, inviting, and mesmerizing by nature. 

He woos me, calls to me, and whispers “Yes, do it!” in my ear! I ask him to leave.  I beg and plead.  I go as far as to try to piss him off, tell him I don’t need him nor do I want him in my life, but he hears nothing I say.  There’s no reasoning with him, no compromise.   No willingness to let me live my life in peace.  Sound like someone you know?  :)

Bottom line is I’m resigned to the fact that he, with his little red glittered horns, will forever sit on my shoulder and poke me with that symbolic red pitchfork prodding me to continue my naughty ways. Good thing Halloween is coming soon cuz I can blame all the pranks on him! ;)

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Don’t mess with a girl and her heels!

The time is passing by so quickly.  My girls are growing up faster, both literally and figuratively.  I’m starting to notice I’m constantly trying to play catch up to all the changes happening in our lives.  Luckily for me there is one constant…one wonderfully silly thing that hasn’t changed and it never fails to make me smile! 

Shoes…specifically strappy heels.  My nine year old gets more wear out of my crazy heels than I do.  I remember one of my favorite pictures of Alexandra at the age of 2 (shown top left) dancing around in my black heels…no worries people, they were pretty basic strappy heels about 2-3 inches or so. Lol! 

 Since then she’s graduated to 3-4 inchers (shown top right) and loves to play this little “trick” on me when I least expect it.  She’ll quietly walk through the house unbeknownst to me wearing an outrageous pair of heels (the funkier the better) until I catch sight of her and then she giggles like crazy when she gets busted! 

A little side note: I love the fact that she’s somehow managed to learn how to walk well in them unlike many other women I’ve seen in my life in their “duck-walk” ways (you’ve seen them, as well,, so you know exactly what I mean!!!)…No waddling, gorilla-like strut or sounding like a clip-clop clunking horse so yay for her!  Lol!!!!!  And yes, I trained her well…thank you, thank you as I take a quick bow! Lol!!!!!

Ok…So here’s what I think she really likes about this whole thing…There’s a secret love we share for heels; for all shoes funky and fun!  She knows it, I know it, and I hope it never changes!  We share secret glances, smiles, and grins; her eyes sparkle like diamonds and she scrunches her nose in this “hehehe” kind of way.  I love to take her to the store and watch her father’s face while our daughter circles the funky strappy heel selection like a predator circles prey. 

This literally cracks me up because I can see the hamster turning that wheel in her Dad’s head thinking “no, no, no…omg…please no, please no,” as our 9 year old reaches for the loudest, craziest pair she can find.  It gets even better when she tries two different pairs on at the same time and does her modeling cat walk for him…and yes, she gives me that little impish grin I love so much! And with that I say, Don’t mess with a girl and her heels! ;)

In a perfect world...

There are times when my brain seems to shut off from the world.  I daydream, my mind drifts, and I isolate myself in this amazingly quiet bubble where all is perfect.  Here's what it looks like when I'm in my perfect world...

My internal alarm clock would sound off no earlier than 5am every morning.  Okay, let’s make that 7am. And…I’d get more than 4 hours of sleep every night.

My dog, Belle, would be able to open two doors and make her way outside for her walk without needing human guidance…do her deed and then return promptly without being distracted by a squirrel or some other delightful wild creature.

My girls (ages 12 and 9) would take less than an hour to get ready for school, and I wouldn’t have to feel like an automated message reminding them to do “this or that” before they walk out the door.

The family room would be tidy and show no signs of destruction after Tornados Victoria and Alexandra (my daughters) leave for school.

The kids’ bathroom would make Mr. Clean proud and be a model bathroom for the PineSol commercials.  The broom behind the door would grow arms and legs and sweep up the hair on the floor and toss it into the trash bin (and yes, I’m envisioning the scene from Disney's Fantasia where the brooms sweep and the mops whirl around and wash the floor!!!) Maybe the dishes could clean themselves and dance themselves back into the cabinets as well?

My children would progress through their tween/teen years without ever unleashing their tween/teen attitudes, comments, or “oh-so-wonderful” moments of sibling rivalry. Not much to ask, right?

Dirty clothes would magically get washed and find its way into the dryer.  Clean clothes would not sit in the dryer/laundry baskets or on the couch and would be instantly hung up or folded and put away in its proper place leaving me uninterrupted time to veg on the couch eating delicious bon bons.

All trash bins would magically empty themselves.  The large trash can outside would grow legs and walk itself down to the curb on trash days and find its way back where it belongs so that I don’t even have to touch it!

The fridge can turn on a self-maintenance function and sanitize itself, and all “old” food would get tossed out.

The fridge and kitchen pantry would be continuously restocked and I would never have to see the inside of a grocery store again AND try to figure out which is the faster moving lane! 

I could cook like Paula Deen, Emeril Lagasse, Wolfgang Puck, Ming Tsai, and any other amazing chef you could name; eat every butter-laden and calorie-packed recipe and not gain a single pound…no make that an ounce!

I would have that awesome food creator (like the one in the Jetsons cartoon) where you simply tell this machine what you want to eat or drink and voila! Then Rosie the Robot would clean up, make the dishes disappear, and also get the kids ready for bed.

Awesome, huh?  I'd have no need for those “Calgon – Take me away” moments and would never give myself another mommy time out! 

***Sigh*** but it’s not a perfect world is it?